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August 24th, 2016


03:04 pm - fall in, days..
fall in, days..
i have a love and she won't back
down,
shouting her dreams - shouting them out
loud,
louder and louder

and louder
and

i followed her
here
through many months of many mixed
sounds
slowly letting both our eyes
meet
for the first time as she was falling fast asleep

and baby i think that i've seen where love's
found
shining it brightly when it won't
sound
even the littlest sound.

leaves snap quiet in the dark

when you grabbed me the the hand,
led my down the street from your
house
left me on the benches by your small
park

and danced and danced

we stayed awake when the world
called,
terrified and terrified you sat with
me
(saying)
breakers and waves and you steady
me
changing every heart
beat
that i've had for years and years and for

years..

people tell
me
love's a thing that will still
fade
it will pass and yet one day you'll be
okay
but the the brightest stars will fade away far before

a love ends.
at the end of all things there my love
is

at the start of all things and each day between

my love
beats

she holds me steady when i'm falling asleep
and wakes me up when i stay too steady

love
beats

whispers life into days where we don't know
whispers life into days where we are bold
whispers life into

days

fall

into line like an obedient throng
listen to you - you are so
strong

it's never over
never leaves me
life falls into
love
falls into
you
fall
into

me.
Current Music: 3e wy334qh 0y959t4q0y

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August 19th, 2016


11:15 am
in this timeline, i've got answers..
but i pull the door closed again.
creaking on the floors; the creaking in my heart,
the heavy heavy load, weighing us down and breaking us through
today's make for setting down and walking round; light.

putting down the pride, every last time.
open my mouth and then i choke,
as long as i'm awake
(i'm a fool).

i told the girls, told all of the boys
not a word, not a word,
pushing past the linguists and out into the new:

don't care what you say, just mean what you mean
i try to mean what i mean, stumbling words all over the place
scattered dreams coming out of my face
shadows and glares and high high beams;
roads so slick and who as ever balanced well,

spinning and spiraling on a high ten.
hanging on - always told me
hang on
be brave
always told me
stay strong
never stop
being okay with falling from the top,
being put down and learning well.

what a role
Current Music: w3he j6 o9f3 qe3o3

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December 13th, 2015


11:17 am
Happy birthday.

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March 3rd, 2015


10:04 am - Unfinished
As the city settles in,
It pulls our luggage closed,
We climb up to the highest heights,
We could never
let
go.

Such a pure astheticism,
Yet everything is crammed in,
Packed in, fighting for space here.

On the new day we bleed with happiness. A smile - hey, isn't that enough?
Running ragged again on the new day,
everyday,
running coarse.

That's the beauty of an idea, something,
When it's something fresh and new. You can try it on for days, or sometimes hours,
sometimes
Hitting reality right on the head.

We up all night just wanting.
The lash, the scourge, love -
By morning nothings come.

The days get longer and
The air gets thinner and
We get thinner,
Stretching out desires so thinly that
They either chip away

Or swallow us.



It is push and then its















Sweet flowers from above,
your heart is gentle but
your arms are cross











[i quit the hopes i had before]

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December 21st, 2014


01:43 pm - Prelude
Gas finally below $2.OO ... Worth the wait.
Snow this week.
The first day of WINTER.

._.decemberunderground._.


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December 13th, 2014


05:28 am
Happy Birthday.

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September 7th, 2014


10:08 am - Morning
knowledge does not end
experience does not end

I grab the stencil and it's color's bright.
I trace some lines, thick, vibrant, in the predawn light.
it's had to see if greys are grays and little lines start to dissipate
before my eyes.
the colors stain together and wash each other out.

the bannister is cold, I hold
it close as I can.
every step is darker and every stair is just
a bit less there.

when I sell my heart I just expect to feel -
there are things across the world that grab me
fascinate my beating
pulse
across my mind and these ideas are

soft and unkind
(the bittersweet).

curling closer into bed,
the shades are drawn, a shade of deeper red
lies with me.

it's the morning when the air is fresh
I wake up in the same place that I was the night before -
the time of day when nothing changes

colors forming a different world each day.

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September 6th, 2014


05:55 pm - Settle
Troubled fingers on a hand of gold,
speak the language of your heart and leave the context on the centerfold.
The trial of too many kisses.
Wishing that instead were wishes,
telling you the story you already believe.
But need to hear.
Filling all the air with beauty without sadness
and taking all the air away.

Crossing arms and crossing hearts,
promises and the break apart.
Love was never in the having.
I only loved you when our lives were done.

with you I crossed the ocean,
I pulled into your shirt to smell the salty air.
the day was hot and buoyant,
it rattled in bones and it beat upon our brows.
I cried out at the sight of you
You parched my lips and drew down sticky blood of mine
We couldn't get enough of time
to wear each other out.

Lying sapped and languid on some beams
the sky never cleared
and the storms kept coming out.

When I begin to expect one thing,
I lean on that expectation hard and never learn.

but bruises are like dusty streets
and I keep walking down the worst of them
looking for another town
another chance for us to meet.

you read a book or take a smoke
and I remember why I always forget
to leave.
to listen to the memories.
instead I sit down with an easel between autumn trees
and paint the change
that happens every year.

(Leave a comment)

05:34 pm - Settle
you were never afraid; never afraid;
looking boldly into the face of day
and you would,
you'd never say it but I knew you would,
imagine dreams that kept you up at night,
held you in some still moonlight that you had found.
imagine who you were, the way you laid.

it was always with anticipation that I'd find you
always surprise you
when you'd have that look of expectant reverie.
life always did remember to take its cues from you.

you were ever afraid; always afraid;
it was the quiet light that'd take you,
and in the making it would make you
and you would never be the same
but a prisoner to your dreams and explorations.




when all around the glory goes
you lift it high in golden glows
you drink it down,
only out of time again
brushing through these lines again
for something new.
and now you let it take you
and softly let him have you
and new words are born.
your lips still cant speak them
but you know your eyes have seen them
through the brimming tears.
time seems to take beauty and continue on
and though youre never done
with one thing there are more things and you just cant think
let your shoulders slump and yet your luck slump and
where have you been?
youre going out at night again
going out of town again
hard to leave your thoughts at home but
homes not what it used to be
(nothing that it ever was).

I wake up by the windowsill
always had a knack for sleeping on my side and falling off.
the glass is cold and warped and old -
but isn't different.
Ive been here before.
And some days I am someplace new
trudging through the snow
and waiting for it to rain for more than just five minutes.

you often take your jacket off
let it lie there on
my bedroom table.

(Leave a comment)

July 31st, 2014


09:13 pm - My Daughters

Happy First Birthday, Adelaide and Wren!


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April 8th, 2014


11:03 am

Had a tasty raspberry salad, but then I dropped it and broke the bowl. :/


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December 13th, 2013


11:30 pm

happy
birthday


Current Location: US, Kentucky, Louisville/Jefferson County metro government (balance), Jefferson, Rainbow Springs Ct, 9253

(Leave a comment)

July 31st, 2013


11:06 pm - Adelaide and Wren Hatter

I'm a Dad. Katie is a beautiful mother.


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July 22nd, 2013


10:19 pm
katie made me delicious cookies! yum!

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July 16th, 2013


07:07 pm
the greener greens turn red,

Its Summer Outside.
the greener greens turn gold
and skin darkens,
they play frisbee on the lawn.
they drink rivers and drink rains,
scorch the very thought of having fun, with all their fun.

theres a build up of anticipation
rash participation and
everyone is tired yet again.

its summer outside, and people are all driving-
taking trips across the freeways-
they drive each other down.


the ice clinks inside my bowl,
and i dress warm against the chill,
warm against the still, the cold, the day.

Winter is Here,
i seal my windows shut and open all the cool conditioned air.
a sigh and a pillow, and its other side.
i am wistful and i know i'll never need to tire.

(Leave a comment)

July 15th, 2013


09:56 pm - OLD Profile and interests
old stuffCollapse )

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06:27 pm - SOUND
I said sound, like I've lived it,
but I've never been there after all.

You never said you wanted solid,
but I saw it still, somehow.

The things we can't have, things we won't have,
things we don't need, there's a lesson here.


I stayed silent for a wide long while,
and the one day you were sad,
you said a certain thing, thought it'd be nice,
and everyone else said no, and i said yes.

It's something nice, something nicer afterall,
when there really isn't anything at all,
there's something nice.

And we walked together for the day,
said simple things and then said nothing,
said it all again.

When you breathed you'd hesitate,
I loved you tossing ideas in your head,
deciding what to think, and I decided too.

When you breathed I saw a swirl,
of vapor-smoke and color mute,
where pain met reason and you became more you,

Your steps didn't need to be sure
and they didn't need to be needed,
but I began to need them anyways.

You said that days had been okay,
but sometimes you'd forgotten,
and you tried hard to not recall.

I said the most painful things
were sometimes the most sound,
citing a certain safety
to be found
in the soft, simple, and still.

I don't think you believed me,
and I hoped you wanted to,
because nothing turns to something
as quickly as slipping hands.

the soft press of fingers,
the simple clasp of skin,
the still sense of presence,

suddenly there's something solid,
suddenly there's something safe,
there's something sound,

and it's never been in the keeping,
but in the finding;
wake up once and look differently at the world.
Current Location: United States, Kentucky, Louisville
Current Mood: empathetic wt
Current Music: The Lightning Strike ~{Snow Patrol}

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July 12th, 2013


10:55 am - Holiday world

Currently en route to holiday world, traveling with Sarah and Eli and several others of Katie's family. Hoorah!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Current Location: US, Indiana, Harrison, Harrison Springs Rd NW, 2324

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July 8th, 2013


08:05 pm
Sonny moved to tools today. I worked 8-5, starting July off to a good month at Sears. Wes is closing. Treni's over here tonight, hanging with Kate. Kate's family's in towns, my family will be later this week. Our twin girls are due VERY SOON. Still working on names...

(Leave a comment)

07:25 pm
and you, standing there so still,
so quiet.
you turned me over in my mind.

the journey of discovery,
of several years well spent, searching,
the several years i spent.

slowly as the storm forms,
and the continents decay i pieced
together myself.
that the world is my reality,
parts genetics and part
experience.
i'd told myself a thousand things
and sailed a thousand thoughts,
crossing words with friends and foes and crossing facts
with other facts, making maps
where i thought there should be maps,
where i thought that maps should be.
and i tried a hundred things
and i put them to the test,
with a dozen different feeling
multiplied a dozen times,
and each year spent i seemed
a little wiser than the rest.




i fear the feeling flew,
i lost all that i knew.
i fear the feeling flew,
and you..

you standing there so still,
so quiet.

you looked out into the grey cloud sky that one day,
when i lost my cap and stayed there late,
when rain stayed its open hand, and didn't open up,
but the winds blew about your hair, and out they blew my cap, till i looked up.

you seemed sad and beautiful and i fear the feeling flew.
Current Music: The Garden Rules ~{Snow Patrol}

(Leave a comment)

07:03 pm - (no subject)
you mentioned magic and i sunk back into my chair,
noone ever lets go of what they fear.


the dry land touched me,
rose up beyond me,
it lay beside me, still.

and islands floated through me,
the islands floated on.


i found some land and i lapped it off,
i found a hand and i gave it grief,
those who tried to take me, to change me,
and those who tried to drink me down.

let's send the law man spinning,
let's send them all swimming home.
what starts with a splash that noone sees
i'll end with you tonight.
Current Music: This Isn't Everything You Are ~{Snow Patrol}

(Leave a comment)

June 27th, 2013


09:19 pm - the White Robe
when my thoughts thought to me
on a certain day,
'i'm finding something good'
it's just the same day
same uncertain day,
and i'm never any good.

and, oh, the dark night, calling my name,
and i just want to feel
and feel again.

life grabs me by the arm and says,
these are your days, just live them.
but they're not mine, can not be mine;
have I earned them?
when you tell me i'm your friend,
what choice do i have,
what choice did i ever have,
where is my agreeal or consent given?


it's not a question of wrong or right,
what goes on here,
and to tell me that it is
is petty.

.....

with eyes of gold they watched each other,
with stoic silken curtains drawn.
the wash of breathe across her body
the tip of marble in his palm.

with gilded crests he picked her flowers,
petals captured on the floor.
she took of him acute dictation
while time passed like lapping on a shore.

where were the answers tonight,
where stilllife scenes replayed?
and what was good and what was evil,
when love and passion so finite laid?

...

what is distraction, that it drives us on,
and acceptance that is should both fuel and quell
desire?

and this is desire, to create love,
in a place where love yearns to be created;
which is every place.

when i say i deprive myself,
the paradox of knowing and understanding
and loving and acting and tasting and
holding back and
giving in and
touching
and
knowing
and
feeling something again,

what i mean is that i yearn to be good.
and to do what is good,
which is to love.

...

i stood up in the white robe and made my plea
and evil washed in front of me,
and i was marked,
and i was told one thing, and then the other,
and both were true and both were wrong, and
contentment lay in searching for
contentment.

where,
a state of rest can only be obtained by acting and
this is paradox,
and this is love.
Current Mood: wt

(Leave a comment)

June 23rd, 2013


12:52 pm - prescience of love
when you spin it
and you want it, is it
something that you need?
we tell ourselves the things we need but it's still hard
to believe.

bubbling reaction
till the sweet vines let us go.
superficial action
all our drugs won't let us know.

it was on the light shore, with the white waves
that lap us up around our feet
we found a moment of still clarity
that has since been slipping from our dreams.
(that we still pursue)

change
isn't the car that takes us home.

you've shouted out and loud and clear,
but you've only let yourself hear.
you've fought your battles in your head,
and you've only let yourself lose.
blood
is just another test you make
dipping more than just a foot
into the waves,
splashing well above your own height
in a pool here in the daylight
and yet no one looks your way.

where
is the action you were promised
the consequences that hold harder
and the light that says okay?
the light saying you're okay.

or the voice that draws you in?
saying life can all depend,
and the knowing's in the doing-
forming who you could be
out of who you've been.

we have our highs and lows
will each high be higher,
and each low be lower?
we seek to be content;
and we let all of it in.
Current Mood: wt

(Leave a comment)

May 18th, 2013


04:47 pm - fake ray ban sunglasses
hes going to play you up
like a little tune
he wrote last May.
tries to sing you the same
but some things
they just gotta change.
~
and with a firm nod
you sounded so unsure.
this is gravity,
ostantacity,
still you just float away.
~
and in the end we met at the South Sunny Seaside Space-café.
where despite my best intentions you insisted that you pay.
we killed morning and
killed afternoon, even
evening drifted away.

as the open air grew chilly I felt a closeness hot at hand.
you just pulled you coat up all simple demure and Bland.
~

(Leave a comment)

April 1st, 2013


11:45 pm
Today is the day of stealing.

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December 24th, 2012


12:21 am - pre-christmas
its almost christmas! Im just hanging out at katies moms house with katie and sarahv. got off work and went to the five at sojourn. came here to wrap gifts with kate and her mom, gotta get up in 5 hours to go to work though :o

still, having a good time. :)

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December 13th, 2012


07:26 pm

happy birthday.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Current Location: US, Kentucky, Louisville/Jefferson County metro government (balance), Jefferson, Steeplecrest Cir, 7

(Leave a comment)

November 28th, 2012


10:10 pm
Nothing says "day off" like going into work for a few hours.

Trying to make plans with Scott or Carol didn't work today because of that. Also, poor Indy!
Current Music: Loading...

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01:58 pm
Worked 70 hours last week.

Do I do anything else???
Current Music: Loading...

(Leave a comment)

November 10th, 2012


08:50 pm - overtime
worked 61.5 hours this week.

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November 5th, 2012


11:19 am - Its Novemeber Now
Maybe I should move someplace that actually has a long autumn; this one has gone by quick enough.

At Sojourn last night there was a guest pastor from England; he was British!
Sarah V spent the night.
Sadly today's my day off, and Katie works today. :(
I think I'll do something with Wes today, I haven't seen him or any of the other guys in months now.

-----

\
 \                          c
  \                      c    cc
   \            c  
    \              cc    c
     \|/          c  c  c
     -O-               
     /|\


------------^^^^---^--^--------- 

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October 23rd, 2012


05:33 pm
And when the end comes near
I'll turn your Golden hair
Caref'ly over the wooden place
Where we once laid.

Between your concrete words
Before you stranger turned
there was a place
There was a place
that I knew well.

You still thrill me,
edge of every high beam.
You're coming across,
running across,
I ran so well.

And you...
You'll find my waiting arms,
Soft as the day is hard,
Same as the sun

And when the years have gone
Just when our loves aren't young
and our words are quiet...

And when my thoughts leave me
I've been who I can be
I'll take your Golden hair
Soft as the sun

(Leave a comment)

December 13th, 2011


01:18 am

happy birthday.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Current Location: US, Kentucky, Louisville/Jefferson County metro government (balance), Jefferson, Woodbine St, 336

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April 17th, 2011


01:13 pm - Nächbar
Went to a bar for (i think) the first time last night.

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April 13th, 2011


09:12 am
                                  Laughing in the rain beneath the bridge

                               the city breathes its heavy breathe on us


       Surrounded by the hot exhale of life and death
                     i slide your blush from out of these wet clothes.
    The smokestacks touch the air and touch it black
              the city kills another man again
                      while soft and unsure
                                    you drink my love
            damp and gasping
                             cars trundle by on the overpass, overhead,
                             cold and
            caring
                   about someone else - about something else; not here.
        they drive into the mist and dissappear.
                    down roads that take us laughing to their graves
       and they in wet turf didnt notice us.

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08:56 am
mostly, the time i spend on my computer has been spent doing other things, which is good and bad. ive been busy, but i havent really had much time to reflect.

ive had the most amazing time spending most of my time hanging out with katie, sometimes for days on end. its great :) this has been the majority of my time, but im not really going to go into it here.
the rest has been either hanging out with carol or scott. my car sorta broke down for a week there (something about the alignment on the tire??) but that's fixed. kristin hit a guy but that also seems to be resolving alright. after weeks of not seeing audrey and wondering if we were ok, we've been hanging out again which is relieving and nice. sojourns been increasingly awesome, and i took katie over to post once which was quite nice as well.

been playing: anti-idle, tyrant, elements
been reading: love is eternal, emma, crestomanci chronicles
been watching: letter bee, umineko, fractale, madoka magica, dog days
seen a bunch of movies lately too: adjustment beaureu (great!), hanna (really good), soul surfer (great!), your heiness (not so great), i am number nine (terrible), battle la (terrible). also i finally got to see black swan, which was beautiful!

apparently my parents are moving to wisconsin instead of san francisco.

hm...i think that's all there is to re-cap.

(Leave a comment)

April 1st, 2011


06:36 pm - Today is the day of stealing.
Today is the day of stealing.

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March 18th, 2011


04:34 pm - Spring
success is not a metric for living

and i am lost
every time life springs.




so take me wind and be my lover
take me time and stay with me

the girl i love and i were married
twenty years and across a sea


my skipping heart is stilled more often
when i stand small below gray skies

my bondprice claimed, my body frail
my disposition kind and nature wise..
i spent a lifetime in undecision
while love's fresh air still brought me home.
Current Music: Outskirts of Blue ~{Greencards}

(Leave a comment)

March 12th, 2011


05:45 am - Sendai Earthquake (Japan)
in case anyone hasnt been following this the last two days, heres my quick synopsis:

5th largest earthquake ever recorded
Magnitude 8.9

Japan: more than 23 6.0 quakes, 33 foot tsunami, landslides:

500 dead, 1000 injured, 1000 missing,
trains derailed,
oil refinery fire,
dam broke,
2 nuclear reactors damaged
4 million homes without electicity
1 million homes without water


thank goodness it was 81 miles offshore, but this is all still very alarming.

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05:12 am - You Strike Me Heady And Intoxicating, But When You Sleep You Dream Of Life
You Strike Me Heady And Intoxicating, But When You Sleep You Dream Of Life
and you've been pressed,
pressed,
pressed your whole life.
as if someone finally managed to distill you to a fine wine
(and you taste so sweet).
but you are still just the discarded juices
from a bruised and battered fruit
in a fallen world;
you were meant to be a whole vine--
a whole vine--
growing and creeping and
taking in the sun.

(Leave a comment)

March 4th, 2011


06:13 pm
Hello Nicholas. I like your mom's raccoon. And your fam... and you... and lots of other stuff.

(Leave a comment)

March 3rd, 2011


10:04 am - indy trip
Pretty excited. Later today I take Katie up to Indy for the weekend. Plus, it'll be the first time that my dad, mom, sister, and self will have been together in well over a year.

It's only Indy, but maybe it's because Katie and I planned it so far in advance, but it feels like a real vacation weekedn. She took off work and everything =)



(ps: i've got a camera again!! at long last!!)

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

March 2nd, 2011


11:59 am
the day's quick breath i held at bay,
my hands pressed firm on where morning lay-
it's pulsing flesh adorned for me,
in colors soft and warm and
as clouds turned pink by the horizon-line,
my teeth touched light against days' spine,
and traveled from it's base to nape,
to nuzzle there amidst the rays.
i only in the wind's exhale,
remember who i am and where.
the firm caress of sun and day,
stays with me.

(Leave a comment)

February 22nd, 2011


04:17 pm - Pride (prelude)
We haven't really had much to discuss, but we're thinking about making 'pride' the 2011 theme. Maybe that's what's wrong with the world.

(Leave a comment)

February 21st, 2011


11:06 am
I sorta want to go to the beach and go out in shorts in the morning just after the dawn while its still breezy and chilly to the shore and just stand there.

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February 16th, 2011


09:22 pm - Moods and Books
I've tears behind my eyes tonight and a longing caught in my throat.
I'm not sad, just somber.
It's in the nature of the world to convey upon us the seriousness of it all, every now and then.








Also, I finished my book. Now I just have to wait for Naamah's Curse to come out in paperback.
Here's the log of them and their lengths. I read the first three a few years ago, and then just recently picked the series up and started over from book one.

  • Kushiel's Dart - 901 pages

  • Kushiel's Chosen - 678 pages

  • Kushiel's Avatar - 750 pages


  • Kushiel's Scion - 943 pages

  • Kushiel's Justice - 880 pages

  • Kushiel's Mercy - 796 pages


  • Naamah's Kiss - 773 pages



(5721)

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February 15th, 2011


01:23 am
<3 man, im really in love.



today was perfect.

(Leave a comment)

February 14th, 2011


01:11 pm
It's valentine's day! yay!! but alas, i am unprepared. this is my busiest day, and katie's working the 1/2 of the day that i could possible not be busy. as much as i love large elaborate affectous plans, todays not going to have one of them. i hope katie doesnt mind.

(Leave a comment)

February 10th, 2011


12:17 am - Waxing
someone planted it in a flower pot,
and now the moon is growing back.

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

February 7th, 2011


08:48 pm
went up to purdue this weekend for elaines birthday. it was heart-lifting. =)

(Leave a comment)

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