did you know theres a small slipping away sensation as we lose ourselves? the future isnt a calming thing and people who arent sure how to become who they want to be are frequently scared of it.
i looked around the world, caught falling rocks from the sky as they tried to catch me first.
and their lives were beautiful, but oh so large, with each one trying to reach around the entire world, minds grasping for enlightenment, fingers fumbling with whatever they could get themselves around. he felt so heavy, the weight of a thousand choices pressing into his present, and she felt so narrow as she tried to make herself so wide. identity was a strange thing, who to relate to, and how? noone ever knew who was kind and who was in it for a downfall.
the promise of the Earth was a bright and shiny thing, and we all worked so hard to figure out who we were so that we would KNOW. so that we could compare our this and our that, and who in their right mind wouln't go for whoever goes for the most? all the crying and all the kisses must lead to something, and so we pressed on into them with minds we only thought were open.
its so easy to criticize what wasnt us, what wasnt me; and its so easy to look around and make sense of things. its so easy to think about what we think about what we think about is best.
your pretty eyes used to mean something to me, before you tried to tell yourself you knew how to make your eyes pretty.
and an individual is so strange, rubbing lives with so many others saying this about tihs person and that about that person, while i sat here lying about all of you because i could do it eloquently and when you started lying to me, i simply used your cypher to decode the truth, but you wouldn't look at it.
i knew i loved you, and it didnt really seem to matter why.
i dont care about that, i dont care about who is friend and who is betray, i dont care about why you want to move. where is the future and and and and
stop looking at me that way, the way you look around, try to see the sights and hear the sounds, but never really see me. the sky is blue, i believe that. it was fun when i could say, 'see you tomorrow' and not next month, next year, you know you want to control your own future but i think thats a lie. how does it work to say, 'it my decision' because any decision that anyone ever makes is their own decision, affected by everything thats happened to them up until that point; your personality is careful consideration of who you are and who you've been and to ignore aspects of your life isnt to ignore things that are holding you down but is to ignore pare of yourself and effectively take full analytic ability away from yourself, and im to scared to openly follow you any faster that i think you may want me to; im doing the same thing.
to the moon she said and he said it too, and they were rich and they were true. no thats not it, it much more complicated, she was trying to balance the way she lived with what she thought, trying not to be influenced by what mattered to her. and the world was round as it wrapped itself around her because there were just so many options, and she didnt know and she didnt like and she didnt want to want but still she wanted to be just like they thought she was to be like they thought she should be to be like she thought she could be because she didnt think she was anybody.
a strange thing ive noticed about adulthood is how much more drawn out everything is.