You know, I had an apex where I was quite carefree about life. I still see how everything moves in tandem and harmony with everything else. But I was convinced people didn't really like how 'indecisive' that made me, and wanting to come of as determined and bold, I worry that I became less in tune with the world in order to have more defined opinions. I hope that's not the case! I remember thinking back as early as middle school that it was probably a bad thing for people to become too self-defined.
I am glad today that I live when I do. People are complicated, and my heart goes out to all of them. But what does that mean, really? There is so much involved in coming to understand the human psyche, the human heart. So many existential questions, too. So much to just rying to get a grasp on who I am MYSELF. I'm glad I live now. Centuries ago, decades even to a lesser extent, people didn't even have words or phrases for the types of ideas I grapple with on a daily basis. One of the greatest things about today is it's wealth of language for concepts that it barely understands itself.
Though, sometimes I wonder about living all those centuries ago. Back when there was much less of an idea of the individual and much more the idea of society. Because coupled with this curiosity I have to discern truth comes the realization that the acquisition of truth isn't necessary. It may be just the search that is significant. And equally significant is the duty to appreciate smaller truths as they are interpreted by the people who live with them daily, as opposed to asuming that having more truth at my disposal means I am living a fuller life, or at least, have the potential to.
To this end, it is nt displeasing at all to my sensabilities to consider living in a time where people did not have the words and phrases they do today, and where my identity as an individual was of much lesser importance.
Myself and other people get too caught up in being self-defined. They want--have--to know who they are, and everything that entails. What they like, what they dislike, what they believe about the universe around and the different things in it. What they love, what they just can't stand. And not to say that understanding isnt important, but it's not ultimately important. Society pushes us to find our place, because the world has begun to set itself up in a manner in which everything is easily classifiable and catagorizeable, but truly our place is where we are, and our self is who we are. We already move in this world with a oneness what is wholly independent of our individuality or our strivigs.