i wonder what music i should play...
i probably wont tell you what i choose.
unless livejournal asks me.
not that i trust livejournal more that you.
livejournal could upset and depress me just like that.
for instance, say it deleted all my entries.
then again, i guess a person could do the same.
upset and or depress.
all theyd have to do is bear down on me really unnecessairly.
then again, livejournal lacks character.
and its peoples character that tell you they wont do things like that.
all livejournal has is consistancy.
and even then its not that good.
some people get jipped all the time.
lucky we're not them.
sefie said this generation is masochistic.
i completely agree.
mildly, masochism is a willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
and hey, we do that all the time.
so i think ill listen to this, to be "masochistic".
(people on lj tend to comment on only one line of an entry.)
it'll shake me.
in a very literal way.
but enough of that.
since i quoted sefie, i'd also like to quote sarah and myself.
sarah martain said to live in all realities at once.
i once said that as people all that we can really do of significance is care.
take those to mean what you will.
i completely agree with both.
right now my tone is low and neutral.
my mood is probably dull.
i'm using short, chopy sentantces, and im sure that conveys something about the theme.
what, i dont care to figure out.
but youll get it anyway, because you should get the full effect.
i dont know.
i just learned an interesting fact, and added something to my mental to do list as a result.
but i wont say what.
i dont know if ill ever get around to things on my to do list, but i wont forget them.
even if i still have them in any number of years.
i feel a little weird, then again, it is four.
im playing with my life support.
i think ill start the music now.
im going to turn off a light.
ill leave you guessing as to how many i actually turned off.
not that youll actually guess.
unless i go on long enough about this.
at which point a few of you might, just to humor me.
and to give you something to comment about.
i dont get very many comments.
or maybe i do.
its a pretty decent amount, actually.
i suppose theyre just not distributed like id expect.
to day i played arc the lad.
sharp claws and dragon scales.
im a deimos, thats what i am.
save the deimos, kill the humans.
thats what ive been saying all along.
thats the song of darc.
hes got wings.
whos really cool.
i could have fun with morrigan.
my hairs kinda long.
i gave up trying to make it look nice.
not to say i dont try.
but anyway, i dont even know what lenght it should be.
some people say it looks good like this.
some people say it doesnt.
the people who say it does are people i dont think i like.
most people dont say anything about it.
its hard to live life in all realities at once.
i want to stagnate and linger.
and i also want to grow and shine and move ahead.
i should do one, probably.
but i like both options.
probably because i have a willingness or tendency to subject myself to unpleasant or trying experiences.
(and theres some massive bug flying around the room.)
(scott saw it, its like two inches long.)
i wonder if thats what it is that hold people back.
im sure it is, to some level.
these sentances have all made sence and been mostly coherant.
just so you know, i dont have to do that.
listen to the fire in our souls.
to the sweet blackened ash that makes us whole.
i could write like that.
which reminds me: it was raining today.
i made up a little song.
save me...forever...forever...from ever
essentially, save me from ever being me forever.
i dont know entirely what it means, tho i think im starting to get it.
i was in sarrah parking lot at the time.
la la la la la la la la la.
fallow are these days.
branded are the rest.
we wander in our own lies.
let us at least wander in our foe's.
im only five songs in on my playlist.
ive got two hours.
i dont feel very successful.
but i dount that feeling really has to do with the amount of success ive had.
im making sure not to use any caesura.
maybe i indulge myself too frequently.
i certainly never used to do it.
sarah gets home thursday.
when does sarrah get home?
(ok, it sounded cool to say.)
(now im afraid ill get random comments from people like me who feel the need just to comment because.)
(and they'll want to know where sarrah is if not home.)
(so you know what?)
(i shouldnt have said anything.)
its not like i meant much by it.
do i ever mean much by what im saying?
ok, i was being sarcastic there.
but only from the 'haha..'.
at least, thats what im saying.
but its all good, because i heard a good movie is coming out friday.
my shirt is red and black.
my friends as ryan sarrah wes seef scott treni
and sarah and myself.
and erin too.
but at the same time beka and carol and cyndi are also my friends.
i wont explain that list.
youll have to do it yourself, although i have faith you can.
i feel more powerful without my glasses.
because my eyes are still supposed to be my highest level feature.
even if they're not what they used to be.
oh, heres a good song.
i dont have a shirt on.
(ok, so i am in the process of changing.)
sandy is the only one i know that waould actually find that scandalous, i think.
and maybe lilly.
or at least her dollfies.
who ive been reading about on all her posts today.
shes good at that.
their characters and their quotes.
im waiting for sarah martin to get back.
(that massive bug is still around..)
whts been going on with sarrah really moves me.
and it would seem my sudden flair to post has just ended.
so so shall my post.