asklepiades (asklepiades) wrote,

because some lies are just plain better than others.

here are some lies. from the Web of Lies. long live Dave. and Frank. and Walter. and other such entities.

read them all. or else youll die..someday.

"The jazz pianist and composer Thelonious Monk lived in an eleven-dimensional house."
"Libya has banned the month of August. By skipping the hottest month of the year, the Libyans not only save on cooling bills but expect to reach the twenty-first century ahead of the rest of the world."
"A logical statement is true if and only if it is palindromic." (i like this one)
"US President Abraham Lincoln was named after the famous brand of motor-car, the Ford Lincoln." (that ones detestable)
"The currency of Brazil is the Kraft Cheese Slice."
"Elton John orchestrated the death of Princess Diana."
"Nightmares can be prevented by covering ones bedclothes with radioactive plutonium at least an hour before bedtime."
"Abraham Lincoln was actually elected president for saving the world from hunger by inventing eating."
"The herbs "Parsley, Sage, Rosmary and Thyme" have never and will never be sold at a Strawberry Fayre; the four herbs combine to form an explosive mix capable of cracking the earth in two like a china plate."
"Alan Turing, often acknowledged as the inventor of the computer, and famed for cracking the German's Enigma encoding device during the war, was actually a koala bear."
"An LSD connection is invariably fatal to anyone with a DSL connection." (lol)
"Bubbles are spatial anomalies caused by SQL errors within the Matrix."
"All of the worst atrocities in human history have been committed by people wearing bicycle helmets." (that is so true!!)
"Beetles who resort to profanity will be badgered with pebbles under strict new moral guidelines at the BBC."
"The Bishop of Chesterfield once visited R.A.F. Lossiemouth dressed as a badger."
"A badger once visited R.A.F. Lossiemouth disguised as the Bishop of Chesterfield."
"On 3rd August, 2002, all management personnel in all businesses across the world observed a 10 minute silence for the loss of chaos in the workplace and the global introduction of common sense. Some news agencies reported spontaneous combustion of managers, who simply couldn't cope with the notion that they would have to work efficiently from then on."
"The "Forward" button on the Internet Explorer browser allows you to go to the sites you will visit in the future, provided you sign a waiver absolving Microsoft of any responsibility should you inadvertently kill your own Grandfather and end the Universe."
"It is practically impossible to find a lie on a specific topic using the search engine at "Dave's Web of Lies". The only recorded success was in 1472, when Jennifer Love-Hewitt's great-grandfather amazed thousands and won a 'horse of goodlye standing' with his search topic "Fun with fish stencils"."
"The number of common house-flies found dead anywhere in your bedroom in the morning is equivalent to the number of times you will be greeted by a total stranger with the words "Yo bro'! How's yo' mama?" the following day."
"The film "Raiders of the Lost Ark" contains subliminal messages that cause unsuspecting people to paint the left side of their bodies orange."
"The average house spider lives for 111 years, has over 200 sexual partners and owns a caravan in Wales"

"Punctuation marks are highly sexually promiscuous."

(read them all. or else youll die..someday.)

  • Let's just live it.

    The quiet lies - we don't need to talk about it anymore Don't need to figure out the truth Don't need to look inside our heads and in our hearts…

  • (no subject)

    I was wrong.

  • (no subject)

    Everytime someone died. color and breath, the fast unfurl of carbon away from death plants that rise and grow, strange citybomb beneath…

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