asklepiades (asklepiades) wrote,

Something Serious, Maybe?

i dont really spend much time in self reflection. or so i say.
so it seems to me.
then again, ive never really had a clear understanding of what self reflection might be.

anyway, im also trying to find a balance between now and preparation for the future.

i feel like my time is being wasted.
its quite clear that cg students should focus on connections, internships, that sort of stuff.
and all the other stuff they teach us im perceptive enough to had already figured out to some level on my own.
except for the software part, which i desperately need to learn, but most teachers have said learn it on your own.

but at the same time its not a waste, because the same way individual hs grades didnt matter, as long as a degree is obtained, little of this will mattter.
if it wasnt for the stupid concept of a degree, id almost not bother with college.
i could use the time it takes to figure out these software packages on my own.
i could use the time to build some sort of portfolio. and try and get some little jobs, for experience (if i could bring myself to)
if they can fit most classes into a week or two summer class, why send a whole semester on it?
and the way classes are organized then, its just terrible.

(oh..and i like purdue. dont get me wrong. i really like it here. but i have the same complaints about academics ive always had..)

i know ive always wanted to stick around a couple of extra years in college, that way i really wouldnt have to seriously focus on my schedule now, and i could learn more too.
but yeah..on the path im on im afraid ill everythingll just be average.
i dont take initiative enough. or at all. and yet still i see every oppertunity.
i never would have expected my unsocialness to be this big a problem at this level.

i mean, i have complete faith in my abilities.
i dont doubt that once in a good job ill be able to hold my own and move up..

because i can understand things.

oh, and another thing..i dont know about the salary thing..
i mean numbers like 30000, 40000, 50000, 60000, dont do anything for me..
..not if i play it properly and go into manufacturing or construction cg (the second would be my choice of the two), then it could be somewhat higher.
or something.
still.. thats not really good enough for me. i mean, id like to think i could live on hardly anything, but there are other things to consider..

aahh.sdg.werds i think i could learn whole classes each week.
its so frustrating. my psych class is helpful, but at the same time ive come close to realizing everything were learning on my own.
my sense of asthetics makes 111 completely irrelevant (aside from learning freehand software), 101 is trying to teach software without using it, and thus is taking many many many times longer than it would need to.
112 could also be reduced, aside from getting more experience.
but you cant make everything longer just so you can get extended practice.

at least, on this scale its just unreasonable..

arg..the school system in america is so mismanaged..

in the end i dont spend to much time thinking about my situation. im not sure where im going, but i do know that im not going there at the mamimum efficiency i could be. and therefore i consign myself to just letting things happen, and telling myself that its balanced because for every oppertunity i miss, im making up for it but creating a meaningful present.
but i dont actually know what balances.

i know that things will work out on the path im on.
but i dont know if thats really all im asking for.

i should write more, i suppose.
just in case i dont get to live out all the things inside my head in this present disorganized age

  • Let's just live it.

    The quiet lies - we don't need to talk about it anymore Don't need to figure out the truth Don't need to look inside our heads and in our hearts…

  • (no subject)

    I was wrong.

  • (no subject)

    Everytime someone died. color and breath, the fast unfurl of carbon away from death plants that rise and grow, strange citybomb beneath…

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