asklepiades (asklepiades) wrote,
asklepiades
asklepiades

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Writing.

they never said what things would be like and i think its because they never knew one day soon we will all know the elements that compose the balance among our different realities and until then try try its hard to try i should keep on trying to be happy with the way things are while not forgetting to take some time but never too much to make sure that tomorrow will be grand as well i remember once i thought about life as a movie and you kept watching and watching and you could get excited and its true that you were participating in it, but in the end the endless reprucussions of every event were minimized by the fact that it was only a movie and therefore it couldnt really do anything to you its the assureance of souls within His will, that this life is only what it is, and therefore we should do what we can and we neednt ever get depressed because ultimately we have the option of looking at this life objectively, as the brief happening that it is, that we are merely partaking of i remember thinking that up and i remember my theories on being alone and on being together, about pain and experience and learning and kindness and brashness and finding the limits of where to concede and where to clash, and i recall the decisions to indulge in dreaming not just to indulge but coming to the belief that part of the dream actually became reality in the dreaming of it, thats why you will see me agree to trips to the moon and encourage decisions to cease time, be it only for an evening and to do so in honesty because i believe in such things i remember all the different ways and paths to accepting people to discovering bias and hate in others conversation and idosyncracies and being able to attribute it to insecurity and desire to belong to identify personality trends and thought patterns and to understand at least what are results of different circimstances during childhood i recall becoming atuned to signs and affects of things such as cutting drugs sex abandonment selfhate fire and to be able to overlay this understanding towards events yet to occur and actuons presently occuring, and then i remember how i could only do this absolutely, never partially, because i never had personal exeperience with most of those, and becasue many people still fall under those categories although theyve never experienced any of those things either, and so i recall the way i started to jump to conclusions intentionally and to intentionally rely on first impressions and stereotypes, the way i decided to base my entire view of a person strongly on their first impression, but all the while keeping in the back of my mind that this could be completely wrong and or ammended at any moment, the way i boldly go with something rather than nothing, and then change it as necessary, and once you do that and you feel like you know people so well right away, i recall how interest based and idle conversation started to grow dull, how i could play out entire conversations with people in my mind so i would no longer take the time to actually follow up with a comment for i already knew where our conversation would go and my ideas about how menial conversation could still be just as meaningful as long as an intimacy had been reached between those involved so that they both realized the meaning behind the conversation and that, coupled with previous ideas of mine about how you could be my friend if i considered you to be, even if we had never spoken, and vice versa, soon led to the way i tend to look at a person and decide if we will ever be close friends, and if we wil then i consider them that close a friend right off the bat because why wait and this may seem to be harsh and judgemental because it could exclude potential friends that you just dont catch, but two factors ease this fallacy the fact that the other person can always do the same, and the fact that i keep in mind that any of my impressions could be completely wrong or changed at any moment back to the ideas about being together theres a mission here somewhere it involves caring for people and spreading truth and always learning more yourself as well in which you go out for awhile and care as hard and strong as you can until you can keep it up anymore but this only works if in those times when youre at your own limit you have someone you can return to sort of pairing up and moving forward together its a very Biblical concept as well but it involves moving forward together and caring for each other supporting each other enough that you can continue to preform your mission to everyone else whe whole base of this entire theory is caring and i recall coming up with that conclusion as well long ago theres also a practical factor to the world a moving forward of society as a whole and we all partake in that as well were moving towards futures constantly shaping what is and is not still an option and so you cant live completely in the present but i believe the balance leans more towards the present as we are told not to worry about tomorrow its so important to get rid of bias do that and develop a tendancy for kindness for putting others ahead of yourself not just because but becasue that is something you desire for its own sake and really that alone should get you far in life establish morals and do not compromise realize that you have something unique to bring to any and every situation because you are made up exclusively by your past aside from your actual genetic makeup everything that sets you apart from anyone else is your past and your experiences and they set you apart from everyone so its important to begin to come to an appreciation for all thats happened to you and all that youve done and in doing so to work away any regrets you have about anything like the movie idea if you can objectively view your past as oppertunities and tools youve been given to work with and i remember the way ive always wanted to know why things worked i remember how i gleamed from my obsession with optical illusions the idea that there is a right answer for everything and that its almost never what youd think youd expect both and neither were common answers its out of the box thinking its counter culture thinking its not yes or no and its probably not maybe either but instead its yes and no and the circumstance depends on this and this as well theres more to things but its still concrete and everything we do ultimately comes back to relationships in the end so no problem should ever be answered without taking that into account and in that the concepts of unfairness or irrelevancy and often even technicality are done away with because with the human factor those could exist lifes not squares fitting into squares there could be curves that fit circles and amorphus objects as well your grade isnt going to just depent on your knowledge of the material but it may also be affected by the fact that your conversations with your teacher after class have left an amiable impression that transfers over into grading, or perhaps when looking at your work the coffee was ready and the scrutiny became cursory this has everything to do with the fact that an acquaintance friend of yours may not be eating alone today because she isnt hungry but infact because the croud that your other friend attracted with something new she has may have reminded the acquaintance friend of how this had happened before and even though she had wanted the same thing she had been unable to afford it and she thinks shell always be second or third or last and will not ever be able to afford anything and is in fact sitting alone because she doesnt want to infringe, and this has everything to do with me reviewing my own inadequecies and hesitancies and weaknesses when placed in the face of your grand plans for the advancement of your future and therefore my inability to provide as interested a result as i ought, it has everything to with the eagerness with which he leads his tour group because its finally something hes good at and he likes the way the people look to him because he knows he can answer them its not about the power but about the acceptance and this has everything to do with the way she parties its out of habit its because she doesnt know another pasttime and this is the way she relates to her friends and if she didnt they would probably drift away but thats not the issure because shes never even thought that throught but there are nights when the question enters here mind if this is all there is but she usually doesnt give it a second thought because her mind is busy and she doesnt realize it keeps itself that way for that very reason it has everything to do with the way he makes his jokes strong and crude, everything to do with the reason shes walking with her head down today but tomorrow shell have her heaqad up and that has to do with security familiarity power and an unsure sense of confidence, everything to do with the way that little girl wants someone to share her story of what her parents would and wouldnt buy with, everything to do with the way he argues all the time, everything to do with the way she'll write it off again today, to do with him convincing himself thats its ok and she likes it, to do with the mother not knowing at the end of the day why she was stressed enough to yell at her child, to do with the inflection in her voice when you just made a normal statement, and finally, it all has alot to do with self-definition, a scary and potentially limiting occurance.
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